Tag Archives: decorating
It’s been how long? A month? Surely not… Oh dear. Let’s catch up then.
Back from our travels and plunged into getting the living room decorated ready for CarpetMan to do his stuff last Monday. We’ve been working on this since the spring but with a week to the deadline, still had the fireplace to tile.
The Danish word for Baking Soda is Bagepulver and if you’re looking for it in Lidl’s in the Copenhagen district of Frederiksberg, it’s in aisle three alongside the flour.
I was convinced that the scorch mark on the pristine white kitchen units of our AirBnB came about through me putting the toaster onto the chopping board, thereby bringing it too close to the wall unit. ActorLaddie said that I would have noticed if the wood started burning but, in truth, I do have a habit of wandering off from the kitchen mid-task. Especially if I’ve got a blog rattling round in my head. So really, Dearest Reader, it’s your fault.
Act 1 Scene 1: A partially decorated living room in North London; crammed with furniture. Evening. There is a large picture window at the back. Empty mugs show evidence of recent human activity.
Off stage, a phone is heard ringing. It switches to answerphone.
Ma: (off stage) Just wondering if you were home yet.
Ma: (off stage) Hope you’ve had a good weekend.
Ma: (off stage) Haven’t seen a blog recently.
Ma: (off stage) Catch you when you’re back then.
Meanwhile, in Salisbury, ActorLaddie and I are bunking off the endless decorating to see a friend performing at the Playhouse. We’ve shoved the furniture from the end of the room we haven’t done into the end that we have; the painting stuff has been left out in case any wandering elves have had a spare minute.
The Airbnb is rather wonderful – look:
It’s run by a hearty woman with dogs who shows us to our room up a rather splendid staircase: Escher would have liked this one.
Salisbury is gorgeous in the crisp Autumn sunlight. I’ve not been before, though ActorLaddie played here on a tour ages ago.
I’m awestruck by the Cathedral: apparently the main section took only thirty eight years to build – from 1220 to 1258. How the blazes something this spectacular was built at that time is beyond my comprehension. AND they managed to keep up to date with their blogs. One can only look and wonder.
Inside, there’s a Chapter House built to house a 1215 copy of the Magna Carta. The room has a frieze of stories from Genesis. The guide, Chris, pointed out his favourite section: the sculptor had been tasked with showing the Pharoah driving his chariot into the Red Sea, in pursuit of Moses. Clearly having no idea what a Pharoah or a chariot might resemble, he gives us instead a rather splendid farmyard cart. Can you spot it?
Patrons are now asked to leave this blog quietly, so as not to disturb the sunset.
For your own safety, you are particularly asked to pay attention to this warning on the reverse of one of Carrot’s bog-standard, badgeless birthday card.
“I think it looks like a rabbit; sort of leaping sideways. Like in the film of Watership Down … you know, the Bright Eyes bit.”
ActorLaddie puts on his peering glasses. “I was thinking a gun, myself.”
“Well that,” I say self-righteously, “is the difference between us.”
What am I like? Here am I inviting you… nay, begging you …. to read my blogs – hundreds of the little blighters – (the early ones are the best: less parentheses) and not once have I given a moment’s thought to your safety whilst doing so. Not a glimmer of a risk assessment has crossed my mind.
Yet, while immersed in the Jelly Chronicles (I have a particular fondness for number four), you might be putting yourself in all sorts of dangers. Heavens, your solicitor could, at this very moment, be preparing a claim for damages! I must remedy this remissness without delay.
I know, I know. You were about to give my place on the register to someone else. I do realise that that there’s a waiting list of other things wanting your attention. What can I say? Don’t give up on me – one more chance?
Truth is, we’ve marked the New Year by getting well and truly laminated. So the time I should have spent blogging has been frittered away juggling saws: in particular, Bro-in-Law’s mitre saw, Pa’s jig-saw and LittleBruv’s useful oscillating saw – ideal for cutting the bottom off architraves, should that be your heart’s desire.
In an act of rebellion, we painted the walls magnolia. Chocolate brown paintwork. Paper lantern lampshades. Habitat redcurrant accessories. Tasteful. Our first flat may have lacked a certain something, amenity wise – the bath was in the kitchen, so you could wash both potatoes and real toes simultaneously – but the decoration was the bee’s knees.