Category Archives: The Jelly Chronicles

228. Good luck will rub off…

What am I like? Here am I inviting you… nay, begging you …. to read my blogs – hundreds of the little blighters – (the early ones are the best: less parentheses) and not once have I given a moment’s thought to your safety whilst doing so.  Not a glimmer of a risk assessment has crossed my mind.

Yet, while immersed in the Jelly Chronicles (I have a particular fondness for number four), you might be putting yourself in all sorts of dangers.  Heavens, your solicitor could, at this very moment, be preparing a claim for damages!  I must remedy this remissness without delay.

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221. With his head tucked underneath his arm…

“It’s Mrs Jellywoman, isn’t it?”

I am at the gym (thanks for all the helpful hints – so far, so good), face to face with a jolly woman, probably in her mid-sixties.  Though she might be ninety-eight but really, really benefiting from regular work-outs.  She does look familiar but I can’t quite place her.  I’m vaguely thinking Jacob’s nan; Jacob, whose suggestion for a word containing the ‘ee’ sound was “weed – like what you smoke.”  Maybe, maybe not…

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217.When troubles come…

Life can turn on a sixpence.

Ann from next door and I were chatting yesterday whilst sweeping leaves off the pavement.  Ann has an uncle – we’ll call him Pat – in his mid-nineties.  He’s been married for forty-seven years to his second wife.  Let’s call her Jess.  She’s about ten years younger than Uncle Pat, so mid-eighties.  There are two sons, both abroad.

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179.Will you still need me, will you still feed me?

I know, I know. You were about to give my place on the register to someone else. I do realise that that there’s a waiting list of other things wanting your attention. What can I say? Don’t give up on me – one more chance?

Truth is, we’ve marked the New Year by getting well and truly laminated. So the time I should have spent blogging has been frittered away juggling saws: in particular, Bro-in-Law’s mitre saw, Pa’s jig-saw and LittleBruv’s useful oscillating saw – ideal for cutting the bottom off architraves, should that be your heart’s desire.

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153. Whatever…

I’ve had a cover story ready from the start.

If you’ve read my first blog, you’ll remember that I’ve always intended to blame a bite from a radioactive trifle in a freak Ocado delivery.  And that I can now become JellyWoman at will, with the amazing super-power of being able to slide under doors.

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132. More happy birfdy…

“It’s all right to listen, Miss Sugarsprinkles. It’s not at all rude.”
“Are you sure, Mrs Jellywoman?”
“Quite sure, Miss Sugarsprinkles. Please don’t worry.”
“I’ll just wash up the paint-pots, then.”
“Please do.” Continue reading →

120. Thank you for your feedback…

I’ve had an email wanting my approval for the following comment on yesterday’s blog:

“Thanks for the auspicious writeup. It if truth be told used to be
a entertainment account it. Look complicated to far delivered
agreeable from you! However, how can we keep up a correspondence?”

Well, that’s told me!

100! What do they think I am? Dumb or something? Why, I make more money than – than – than Calvin Coolidge! Put together!

One of Pa’s cheques had bounced. The cheque in question was from his current account to his building society. The cheque in question apparently had his signature on it. The cheque in question had not been written by Pa.

Pa’s cheque book was still safely in the bureau and there were no obvious signs of a break-in. But both building society books were missing. Phone calls revealed that both accounts had been emptied.

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87. Always something there to remind me…

Thursday afternoon saw me tucked away in the non-contact room, ploughing through assessment results.  Depressingly, half the children still remain below the class average, despite Mr Gove’s exhortations.  I fear for my salary.

Entering results onto a spreadsheet is a mundane job, so I switched on the wireless; partly to drown out the sound of children in the playground – they do keep turning up at school – but also because I knew that Clare Balding was going to be talking to Tom Isaacs as part of her ‘Ramblings’ series on Radio 4.

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85. Font of all knowledge…

So it turns out that the company which publishes my ebook randomly changed the font for a slightly bigger one.  Which means that, if you have bought it, you just might have had some words falling off the sides of the pages and slithering all over the table.

If that has happened to you, I can only apologise.  The problem is now sorted so if you let me know, I can send you a replacement.

Anyway, the link to the new revised e-book of the Jelly Chronicles 2012-13 is here. I’ve also updated the old links.

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