Author Archive: Jellywoman

271 Not even for ready money…

It being our wedding anniversary – since you ask, thirty five years – well, quite: not even time off for good behaviour – anyway, in view of the day, we’d decided to use the voucher for afternoon tea given to me on my last birthday by our lovely friends, the Vestibules.

We’d booked to have the tea in one of the London hotels with a view to then doing something afterwards; a play or whatever.  The hotel was on the edge of Hyde Park and the menu outside promised tea with sandwiches, cakes and ‘warm home-made scones’.

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270. I got my friend an elephant for his new room. He said ‘thanks’. I said ‘don’t mention it.’

I’ve recently been diagnosed with Parkinson’s.  If you were me – which research project or trial would you volunteer for? 

This question is being asked by a woman in – oh, her early thirties? She’s near the front so it’s a bit difficult to see from my chair at the back.  Although, being by a window, I do have an amazing view of the misty city’s domes and spires.  From the ninth floor of the Bentley Institute building, we are looking down on St Paul’s.  We’d spent a little time before the meeting started picking out landmarks and talking with one of the staff.  ActorLaddie asked if they had a roof garden.  No, apparently they had a domed roof.  So not the best shape for a roof garden.  Unless, I suppose, a hanging one.

So that you don’t burst with suspense, I’m going to tell you now that the answer to the woman’s question was, in essence, it depends.

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269. Through the wardrobe…

Where do we start?

With the clothes, I think.  Mrs Jones is propped up on the edge of her bed, by the wardrobe.

“Let’s imagine that you’re going to a hotel for three weeks,” I suggest.  “We’ll pack for that to start with.  Then I can always bring you up more stuff.  Or bring you home to choose more – um – stuff.”

“I don’t see myself coming back,” says Mrs Jones.

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Spring Back Again

Just putting finishing touches to a post.  In the meantime…

Mixing Memory and Desire

268: I’m a lumbarback and still OK….

Back bruised … probably more comfortable without the dressing… 

But I waved aside the lumbar puncture FAQs … this is my third, after all … and now I can’t remember how long you need to keep on the dressing.  

It’s probably not very long. I’ve already ripped off the dressings from my arms; bruising up nicely, I see. The back’s just a puncture wound, like my arms, isn’t it? So I probably could take off the dressing now; almost certainly could take off the dressing now.   

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267. Strengthening Our Cores …

Now, I want you to squeeze the balls between your thighs.  Some of you have got small balls but that’s ok – they’ll work just the same…

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266. Yes, we have no..

“One Roast-Chicken-Dinner-For-One,” says Mrs Jones.

“One Roast Chicken-Dinner-For-One,” says Clark-from-Sainsbury’s-telephone-ordering-service.

“Eight bananas,” says Mrs Jones. “As green as possible.”

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265. Welcome, March, with wint’ry wind –

It’s March the first, hey nonny no, and my muse, like my garden, is frozen.

I made a bash this morning at a blog on the theme of snowy days in school which inched towards the spell-binding conclusion that children like snow and cleaners don’t.  So if today is cold and miserable, well – at least I spared you that.

So I’m going to palm you off with some pictures of our most recent visitor.  Stay warm, stay safe; speak soon.

264. Good times never seemed so good…

Margaret played first clarinet and collected the subs.  In truth, we barely knew each other; I mimed with the second flutes and we rarely rubbed shoulders with our reeded sisters.

But she sent me an email in June 2012 which meant a lot to me at the time and still sits in my Parkinson’s folder, in case of wobbles.

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263. BraveHeart

“I know this is a difficult question,” says LovelyFuneralDirector, “but have you thought about what you want to do with the ashes?”

She is a woman, by the way, this LovelyFuneralDirector. All three of the funeral directors we’ve met are women.  As are both registrars, the minister and the train driver on the Yorkshire to London Express. Sisters are doing it for themselves. We just need one of us to find a cure for cancer and we’ll be well away.

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