The Danish word for Baking Soda is Bagepulver and if you’re looking for it in Lidl’s in the Copenhagen district of Frederiksberg, it’s in aisle three alongside the flour.

I was convinced that the scorch mark on the pristine white kitchen units of our AirBnB came about through me putting the toaster onto the chopping board, thereby bringing it too close to the wall unit.  ActorLaddie said that I would have noticed if the wood started burning but, in truth, I do have a habit of wandering off from the kitchen mid-task.   Especially if I’ve got a blog rattling round in my head.  So really, Dearest Reader, it’s your fault.

ActorLaddie thought that he might have caused it, simply on the basis of probabilities: he does most of the cooking.  I do the washing up but not at a speed that would scorch anything.

Anyway, the cleaning agents in the kitchen wouldn’t touch it and I became seriously anxious about the prospect of fessing up to this to Anne the Owner at the end of our stay.  What would she put in our review?

It was in this frame of mind that I googled ‘removing scorch marks from wooden kitchen units’ and hit upon hosts of helpful posts telling me to mix Baking Soda with toothpaste.  Put the resulting gunge onto the scorch mark, leave it for half an hour and the stain will wash off. We did; it didn’t.

I’m sure you’re ahead of me on this one.  Anne’s reply when I texted her about it was, of course, that the scorch mark had already been there.  In fact, if I’d thought to look at the photos on the AirBnB site, I could have saved us the worry.

So, when we – no, I – set fire to the bedroom last night, ActorLaddie remarked that we were going to need an awful lot of baking soda to sort this out.

It seems that my new scented candle set fire first to the bedside cabinet then spread to the bedding.  You’d be amazed at how quickly pillow-cases burns: turns out that there’s a reason the label says ‘Keep away from fire’ in big red letters.  In terms of damage, my favourite pencil is a bit singed:

Oh, and we’re going to have to replace the carpet, the bedding, the bedside table, lamp, chargers and repaint the wall! I’ve only just washed the brushes!  And I had to sit with my burnt foot in a bucket of water all night.  But gosh, it could have been so much worse: we were very lucky.

Which is why, no matter how many monsters might be hiding under your bed, I’m getting you a fire blanket for Christmas.  It’s either that or lots of baking soda and toothpaste. Take your choice.