34. Turn and face the strain
When YoungLochinvar were nought but a nipper, our fridge stopped working. We ordered a replacement but the infant YL was distraught. “I liked the old fridge,” he wailed. In vain we explained that we also liked the old fridge in every respect apart from its inability to keep things cold. YL reproached us for our failure to keep faith with the white goods. He always did have an advanced vocabulary. Thus started Old Fridge Syndrome. More than a quarter of a century later it would be, of course, inappropriate and embarrassing of us to remind YoungLochinvar of O.F.S. every time he faces a major life change. So, naturally, we do. What else are parents for? Continue reading →
33. Mixing memory and desire…
“Can it wait, Layla? I need to get this register to the office.”
“But Mrs Jellywoman – we don’t have no chairs!”
I look at Layla over the top of my glasses. “That’s ‘we haven’t got any chairs’, Layla.”
Layla has younger brothers and so is accustomed to explaining things to the simple. She draws upon this skill now. “Well, you’ve got a chair, Mrs Jellywoman. You’re sitting on it. But we don’t have no chairs.”
32. I’m never gonna stop the rain by complainin’
“How do you do, Mehmet?”
“Very well thank you, Mrs Jellywoman.”
“How do you do, Ololade?”
“Very well thank you, Mrs Jellywoman.”
“How do you do, George?”
“My leg hurts.”
31. With two cats in the yard; life used to be so hard…
“When people look round your house,” says LittleSis, “they are actually considering whether they want to buy your life-style.” She’s a regular Kirsty-and-Phil, is my sister.
So, the people who haven’t made an offer on our house are actually rejecting our life-style: rejecting us, in fact. This bemuses me. Granted, the house does have the look of a library about it but then who wouldn’t want to live in a library?
Don’t answer – I’m feeling a bit raw about all this.
30. Riddikulus!
“I’m sorry to hear about your op,” I said to FriendlyColleague as we were hanging out by the Risograph last week. We don’t run to a water-cooler at our school, so gossip is accompanied by the sweet smell of duplicating ink.
29. You’ll have had your tea
In the summer, ActorLaddie would pile GrannieBorders into the car with her wheelchairs, the world’s tartan-blanket mountain and a bottle of lemonade.
28. And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make…
Grannie and Grandad Borders, ActorLaddie and OlderBrother
The post I started writing yesterday morning featured some rather jolly anecdotes about mobile phones. But those will have to wait for another day.
27. And I’ll be in Scotland afore ye…
“Tough as old boots,” texted back YoungLochinvar. “Must be the porridge.” And indeed, the Borders produces a pretty hardy kind of bairn, if his Gran is anything to go by.
26. To every thing there is a season
In March ’74 my best-mate-at-school took me along to the Youth Theatre. She’d joined a couple of months previously and had already given the world her Elderly Clerk. Later that summer, she and I would sweep the boards with our masterful First and Second Attendants to the Lady Olivia. But such delights were but pipe-dreams as I followed her into the rented school-hall that Friday evening.
25. Passnotes no. 3, 200 Kerb Appeal
Age: Since Wilma stuffed a large pot of winter flowering pansies by the cave entrance in an attempt to hide the recycling bins.
Huh? I said, kerb appeal. Or, if you are my American reader, curb appeal. Hi there. How’s the snow?
Is it because the lines of people queuing to buy your house are annoying the neighbours? Like all those nannies in Mary Poppins. Explain?
That you are trying to curb the appeal of your house. Would that it were, my fair friend, would that it were. Alas, since our house hit the market last weekend we have had but one viewing and that was a very elderly couple who struggled to get up the stairs. It does beg the question as to why they were looking around a four bedroom house but I guess that’s their business.
Not brewing enough coffee? Lack of bread smells? Jellywoman is working on the basis that the house is still lacking in kerb appeal. She is spending the weekend trying to increase the likelihood of enticing passers-by to come and buy.
But you’re at the end of a cul-de-sac. You have no passers-by. Jellywoman is also considering getting InfantPhenomenon to don a sandwich board pointing out the proximity of our house to an Outstanding school and pace up and down outside less Outstanding schools at clocking out time.
So how is this kerb appeal thing going to work? Jellywoman has already borrowed an ace pressure washer from LittleBruv and tackled the paving stones in the front garden. Some of them are red! Who knew?
Is that it? Egad, no. Jellywoman now plans to steal many garden pots from the aged p’s and hit the nursery in the hope of finding something that actually looks good in this weather.
And ActorLaddie? Been charged with sprucing up the paintwork on the rail which stops GrannieBorders plunging over the side of the ramp.
Talking of GrannieBorders… Best not, at the moment. But Ma’s operation went well this week and she’s back home.
Why are you telling us about this kerb appeal thing? To explain why I haven’t had time to write a blog this weekend.
Do say: Best get up and started then.
Don’t say: Does this mean that if you haven’t sold your house by next weekend, we’ll be spared future blogs too?
The Jelly Chronicles 