9. Cool for cats
“I’ve been reading your blog” says Dr LaMancha as he slides the needle into my vein. I attempt a sort of “am I bovvered?” nonchalance: I’ve been working on this look since starting my blog three weeks ago, just in case. I suspect, though, that my veneer of cultivated cool is rather undermined by multiple calls to Mum informing her that somebody I don’t know in the Isle of Man has just Liked my blog.
Mum does her best to sound excited, bless her, but as her last brush with new technology ground to a halt when she couldn’t work out how to fit a CD into an i-pod, I suspect she’s humouring me.
8. Shakes and drugs and rock n roll
Imagine. Young Mildred is rising five and about to start big school. You’re pretty confident about this parenting lark now; and anyway even Marks’s won’t take her back this late in the day.
You’ve tidied up for the pre-school visit, just stuffing the last bit of junk into young Mildred’s bedroom when the bell goes. She peers shyly from behind your legs as you open the door.
“Look, Mildred,” you say cheerily, “it’s your new teacher, Mrs …?”
“Jellywoman,” I chirp. “And this is my Nursery Nurse, Miss Sugarsprinkles. I’m sorry, we’re a trifle early.”
6. Blame it on the moonlight
It’s Book Group. We’ve discussed ailments, children and aged p’s. Before getting onto the Set Text, we talk about the books we have actually read. RuggerMan tops up his wine and lists off the Hornblowers, the Sharpes and the memoirs of 1914-18. “Oh,” he says, “and I accidentally downloaded 50 …”
4. I am the very slave of circumstance
My Lord, this is the case for the defence.
Firstly, it is a truth almost universally acknowledged that some Parkinson’s medications cause, as an unfortunate side-effect, a reduction in impulse control. This can lead to excessive spending or gambling; or to over-eating; or to a greatly increased sex-drive even, I am told, in term-time! I know, beggars belief, doesn’t it.
3. But I swear it was in self-defence…
“Here, come and look at this thing on the Parkinson’s UK website,” I say to ActorLaddie. “They want volunteers for a drugs trial.”
“I can’t – I’m stirring the soup. Give me the highlights,” says ActorLaddie. We’re big on soup in our house.
“Well, they want people who live in London, recently diagnosed, in their 50s. You have to mail for details. It might be good to feel that you’re part of the solution rather than part of the problem, don’t you think?”
“Don’t you mean as well as part of the problem?” grunts YoungLochinvar. He has a way with words.
2. Reasons to be Cheerful
“Parkinson’s?” boomed Mrs Jones. “That’s nothing. There are a couple of chaps down the Bowls Club with Parkinson’s. They go on some lovely trips.”
1. Today we have naming of blogs.
“I need a name for my blog,” I say to ActorLaddie, as he stirs the soup. “I want something that reflects the subject but doesn’t sound too morose.”
“How about ‘I’ve got Parkinson’s LOL’ ?”
The Jelly Chronicles 