70. The Second Cut, however … Just when you thought it was safe to draw the curtains…

Bro-in-Law is a man of infinite-resource-and-sagacity.

Case in point.  Narrow tow path; big bouncy dog.  LegoBoy’s bike, lying on canal bed.  LegoBoy safe, having splashed his way to the side but the bike has seen better days.

“Well,” says Bro-in-Law, “if we leave it there, it will be a disaster.  If we rescue it, it will be an adventure.”  So he strips down to his Prince Harry’s, sploshes into the canal and rescues the bike.  Tidy.

He’d have got on well with Miss Offord, Bro-in-Law.  For one thing, he has the capacity to recite whole sheaves of poetry by heart, as I discovered to my cost when asking him whether he read or skipped the songs in Lord of the Rings. And, more to the point, he is meticulous and skilled when it comes to anything practical.  He makes guitars for fun: I’m quite certain he could have run up the odd tea‑towel without recourse to antibiotics.  “Measure twice, cut once,” says Bro-in-Law.  Sometimes, in elvish.

Bro-in-Law would never have got over-confident with his curtain cutting.  He would not have Facebooked a photo of aforesaid curtains, to show the world how mistaken Miss Offord had been in her early assessment of sewing abilities.  He may have, whilst on a roll, started taking up the long curtains which have been draping onto the floor since the move.  But, on the third of these long curtains, he would most definitely, assuredly and certainly not have decided that, by now, he’d figured out from the pattern where the cut needed to be.

The rest of yesterday evening is something of a blur.  Crabbies Ginger Glug was definitely a feature, I seem to remember.  As was PVA glue, stress-induced tremors and furniture moving.  ActorLaddie did his best, love him. “May I make a suggestion?” “NO!”  At one stage, Graham Norton looked out of the set to complain that my language was offending Dame Judi.

I’d write more now but a strange voice is impelling me to go up and down the street showing the neighbours how bad my sewing is.  With a bit of luck, they’ll think it’s someone wanting a penny for the guy, and pretend to be out.

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2 responses

  1. Oh dear. Hope you can salvage the curtains. I could send the wonder boy round. Lil Sis

  2. […] am not, however, fluent in quilt making. Those of you who remember the Great Curtain Disaster of 2013 may also recollect that my sewing skills were severely traumatised by being made to take a […]

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