When I was first diagnosed with Parkinson’s, I wondered how long it would take for the children at school to notice. They’d be sure to say when they did. Children don’t hold back on that sort of thing. So I’ve prepared my cover story. I plan to tell them that I was recently bitten on the finger by a radioactive trifle in a freak Ocado delivery (Dr Death in Bile Blueberry van) and am now gradually turning into jelly from the hand upwards. Eventually I will become JellyWoman; special powers sliding under doors. I explain this to YoungLochinvar. He nods. “I like the name. You’ll get lots of visitors thinking it’s a weird sex blog. Because of the jelly thing.” I’ll take his word for that. But if you are waiting for this to veer into 50 shades of Jelly; well, see that back button on your browser? Otherwise, welcome to the Jelly Chronicles.